This CAN'T be good

Faithful readers of this blog will recall my bout with H1N1 in early November. I laid in bed for five days, alternately shivering and overheating, while simple tasks like sitting up or sipping tea were enough to put me in a coma. I thought I had paid my dues then, but life clearly has more ass-kicking illness in store for me. Now we're on to the Battle of the Severly Congested Nose, week two.

For two weeks, I have managed to eat, work, sleep and drive with one working nostril. The other appears permanently plugged up. I try to inhale and all I can hear is the faintest whiff of air trying to make its way inside. I started coming down with the congestion right before our vacation. I figured it would pass in a day or so and kept myself occupied by ingesting Sudafed, brewing tea and making squeaky nasal sounds. Vacation came and went. We visited The Magic Kingdom and SeaWorld and I chased after Magnus with Kleenex, trying to catch my breath. His nose was open and runny while mine continued on its strike, refusing to open up.

Today I woke up and I felt like the Empire State Building landed on my head. Pressure from all angles and amazingly, the nostril IS STILL plugged. So this is almost two weeks of nonstop congestion. Is it a sign? Am I left to face life with half a nose? A more rational and intelligent person would have gone to the doctor by now, or perhaps taken OTC meds more regularly, but somehow I have made it my destiny in life to suffer needlessly.

Tonight my mother will tip my head over a boiling pot of water and yell at me to "Breathe!" She threatened this in a phone call after hearing my warbled voice. Ordinarily I would fight her but I really would like to inhale oxygen like a normal person and sleep without elevating my head.

Is it my lucky day?!