enough with the royals

I might be mistaken, but the U.S. won its independence from Britain quite a few years ago. You'd never know it based on all the hoopla about the impending royal wedding. NBC News, for example, is sending a team of reporters to England a week before to capture every minute leading up to nuptials. Every day, there are stories with insipid details about who is designing the cake, why William won't wear a wedding band and where he plans to sleep the night before he gets married (his dad's, if you must know).

In the words of our former masters, bloody hell!!

Americans like polls, so let me take one. If William weren't marrying Kate Middleton and doing whole the cake/gown wedding thing, would you give two cents about these people? What has he done that is so awe-inspiring that people are willing to set their alarm clocks and rise at three a.m. to watch him take a trip down the aisle? Don't tell me people love the royal family so much that they want to be there to witness this right of passage. There's no way. The Queen, Fergie, Prince Charles, Princess Margaret, the whole Windsor lot, are a group of entitled monarchs that most people don't relate to. They do little for England and nothing for the world. They are only public figures because of the absurdity that is inherited monarchy.

Yet Americans are eating up every second of this crazy pageantry. At the office, I inadvertently offended someone by declaring, when asked, that only mindless idiots would be watching the wedding. I remember being eight or something and my mother waking me up early to watch the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. I didn't understand the hoopla and the actual event had no impact on my life, other than making me extra tired for the rest of the day.

Personally I think William and Kate should buck the whole system, elope to Haiti, work for six months with locals to rebuild the country, and then release a Tweet with photos. I could get behind that.

oh my hell, what's up with my formatting?

Why is everything running together, with no breaks between paragraphs? What an eyesore. Goddamned Blogger.

wanted: eight hours of sleep

I can't say enough about my three year old son. He's gorgeous (green/hazel eyes framed by long, thick lashes), thoughtful ("No pee pee in bed, Mommy") and loves vegetables. His tantrums are fleeting and infrequent and he comes to an immediate stop any time he sees a car. There's virtually nothing to complain about. Except the sleep. Oh my hell, the sleep. My beautiful and well-behaved Bubba cannot seem to sleep past 5:30 a.m. When he was a newbie, it was all par for the course. I wasn't working so I grabbed a cat nap when I could and kept on going. When it was time to sleep train, I upped my coffee intake and stumbled around like a zombie for several weeks. You keep telling yourself it's a process and soon, very soon, you will return to the old days, the glorious days of eight hours of peaceful, uniterrupted sleep. Not so much. You can put Bubba down at seven thirty, or at ten, and he wakes up without fail at 5:30. When I meet other parents, I am compelled to ask them about their kids' sleeping patterns. Do they skip the naps and the kid sleeps longer? Do they put Benadryl or other drugs in their sippy cups? Some fool told me that all I had to do was skip the nap and Bubba would sleep for 12 hours straight. It seemed reasonable enough, but Bubba wasn't having any of it. Not only was he super-irritated when I finally put him down, he rose even earlier, 5:15, the next day. (I need to find the parent who told me that shit and shoot her.) Even though I've cut back my hours at work, I'm still a working mama, and mama needs more sleep. I've decided to start bringing Bubba into our bed when he wakes and just lay with him until a more decent hour (say 6:15). So far it's working. He looks up at the ceiling and rattles off his favorite foods, or tries to pull of my socks. Occasionally he will roll over to J and pop him playfully in the nose (pretty funny). This actually isn't so bad. I'm still tired but I'm not officially up, and I get some cuddle time with little Bubba. I'd love eight hours of sleep but for now, this will do just fine.

is gavin rossdale happy being gavin rossdale?

Click on any entertainment web site and inevitably you will see a picture of Gwen Stefani, her two cute kiddies and her attractive, former rock star husband. He is usually carting one of the kids or hauling a diaper bag. Years ago, he sold out stadiums, traveled the world and signed autographs for adoring fans. Is he happy now, sitting on a park bench in the Valley, slathering sunscreen on the two wee ones while his wife films commercials, coordinates runway shows and is generally more popular and relevant? Not many men would be comfortable surrendering their fame and fortune to their better half and be resigned to a life of play dates and Gymboree. Unless they are Gavin Rossdale?

can't decide on james franco

Faithful readers, perhaps you can weigh in. The actor James Franco is talented, handsome and pretty prolific - he takes photos and is earning a masters in creative writing at an Ivy League university, or something like that. He's been in some crazy good movies, like 127 Hours and Milk. Yet whenever he flashes that squinty smile, I find myself squirming. Is he too cheesy? Too sanctimonious? Too smug? Maybe all three. Can't decide. Is he super gifted and the rest of us are just embarrased by his accomplishments, or is he taking his roles in Howl and James Dean too seriously? Thoughts, please.