Damn all the trolls

I was reminded this week about that famous saying that opinions are like a-holes, ie, everybody has one.

You were probably astonished, as I was, about the story out of New York in which a nanny slaughtered two young children in her care and then tried to kill herself. I cannot imagine a more horrific nightmare for the mother than coming home to find her son and daughter murdered by the very person entrusted to care for them. It didn't take any time at all for the trolls to start commenting online about how nobody can be trusted to watch children but their own mother. (Do they not remember Andrea Yates? Susan Smith?) There were also nasty comments about the race of the nanny, and if the parents had paid more for a white nanny, this never would have happened. The slightly tamer comments posited that a wealthy, stay-at-home mother shouldn't even need a nanny.

I must have thrown up in my mouth at least seven times before I decided to stop reading the news coverage. First, it was almost too awful to bear, and second, can't anyone stop for a minute and grieve for this poor family? The mother hired a nanny to help her manage the schedules of three children. She was returning from taking her middle child to a swim lesson when the tragedy struck. She deserves sympathy not condemnation. Who said that having kids means you give up accepting help and shoulder the burden entirely by yourself? Like this mother, I have three kids. I cherish the days that my mother is here to watch them while I take a shower, go for a walk or eat a meal sitting down. I applaud anyone who can afford the extra help. Nobody benefits from a tired, harried, overwhelmed mom.

This story, plus the ridiculous political debates about women and abortion, prove we have a long way to go when it comes to social expectations of women. Women may occupy higher positions in government and the work force but when you consider the backlash against this poor mom and the right-wing campaign to enforce an antiquated moral code, we need to burn some bras, or aprons at the very least.

WTF?

Me: "Magnus, should we go to Legoland for our vacation?"
Magnus: "I think we should go to Dookie Land."

Um....

Unrequited love, part two

Me: "Magnus, would you like to get ice cream after school? Just you and me. Nana will be home to watch the babies."
Magnus: "Mommy, I am reading. Stop bothering me."

Oh god

My polling place is a church. Jesus, the irony.

I'm transcending, ya'll

Tonight yours truly starts her first transcendental meditation course. Wheeee, I am transcending! I have been trying to have "me" moments here and there throughout the day but I finally accepted the fact that the only way to decompress and regain my focus was to get the hell out of the house and leave the offspring in the capable hands of the mister. Let him deal with all of them crawling on him at the same time and jamming their fingers in his mouth.

Can I drink before hand? Just a sip of red wine, to chill the nerves? I haven't been out in public for years. Well, maybe a week or so. I think I will have my eyes closed for a good deal of the course and not have to speak to anyone, but what about the before and after, when everyone arrives, mills around and pretends to check their cell phone to avoid speaking to one another? I actually, funny, wouldn't mind conversing with another adult, but part of me worries I will inadvertently slip into mama role, reach across and touch their wrist and delicately inquire, "do you have to go pee pee?"

Wish me luck, y'all!

Just wondering

Did the Pakistani government ever arrest any suspects in the 2007 assasination of Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto? I didn't agree with all her views, specifically her pro-life stance, but always found it interesting that a "radical, third world country" (and Muslim, natch) had a female leader,  while the U.S., comparatively a longtime champion of women's equality, has yet to achieve that milestone.

I like them squishy

Is it me or does it seem every time you turn around another celebrity has dropped a ridiculous amount of weight? You too? And do you find it curious that when they are asked, most stars say they just started "eating right" and "working out?" They never talk about the obvious, which is undergoing lapband surgery. Poor lapband surgery. The secret celebrities won't cop to, like abortion.

While the bubbas napped today, I trolled the Net for pictures of celebs who were large and then much thinner. Some stars looked okay following the lapband procedure, like Sharon Osbourne. But many folks looked bizarre, mishapen, or even sickly. So what's worse? Being overweight or being surgically reduced, with layers of wrinkly skin, a proportionally oversized head, plus unable to eat real food?

After careful review of the evidence, I believe the following celebrities looked better fatter:

1.  Al Roker
2.  Star Jones
3.  Jonah Hill
4.  Randy Jackson
5.  Brian Dennehy
6.  Roseanne Barr (what is fun about a thin Roseanne?)

This list seems incomplete, however. There have to be many more celebrities with drastically reduced waistlines that I have overlooked.  Who am I missing? I'd like this to be a top 10 list (my love of even numbers, remember?)

Double the fun? Please.

Logan and Cyrus, otherwise known as the blonde babies, are awesome.

In recent weeks, Logan has demonstrated some WWE tendencies. He will wait for Cyrus to be distracted, pounce on his back, flip him over and then gnaw on his calf. It is alternately hysterical and distressing to watch.

Despite the infinite cuteness of the bubbas, one indisputable, lingering fact remains: raising twins is HARD. I am tired. Scratch that. I am beyond tired. I feel like I am perpetually under anesthesia. I exist in a small, hermetically sealed cocoon of drool, diapers, interrupted REM sleep, short naps, no naps, hair pulling, biting, yelling, crying, shrieking and the occasional baby belly laugh. (The latter is freaking awesome, btw.)

People without twins often make the following comments:

1.  "Two babies. Double the fun!"
2.  "I always wanted twins. It seems so exhausting, but you get to dress them alike."
3.  "I started out in the womb as a twin. Unfortunately, I absorbed my fraternal brother. If you look closely at my back, you can see his shape through my primordial tail."

There has so far been only one accurate quote to describe the journey that is caring for two bubbas. Which was stated by a fellow mother of twins. As she relayed to me: "It is not double the fun until they are about four years old."

Okay, people? So stop being so smug with your comments, which we both know betray thinly veiled pity, and pass the wine.

Now for something completely mean

I am not certain if I have ever watched a movie featuring Kristen Stewart, of the infamous "trampire" media scandal. So don't take this as a knock against her craft but.....

If I have to look at one more photo of her pinched, snively face, I may scream.