My eyes, my eyes!!!!

Yesterday someone I work with came into my office to show me pics of her new granddaughter. She was grinning ear to ear and actually and hung over my shoulder to see my reaction as she placed a snapshot in my hand.

Staring back at me was a fat, slimy blob with the most hideous face. It wasn't a baby. It was a deep sea creature. Goddamn it, mi gente, do you have to make such atrocious looking kids? I smiled and said, "Awww...does she look like your side or the father's side?" She babbled something in reply and marveled, "Isn't she BEAUTIFUL?!"

I nodded my head, hoping I could keep the smile on my face until this seriously deluded woman left my office. Poor newborn baby. She will likely grow into a hideous chupacabra and breed more hideous chupacabras. I laughed quietly thinking about the famous saying of my mother's, which she invokes every time she sees a less than attractive person: "God did not give me these eyes to see such ugliness."

Amen, madre.