The Horror, the Horror

Yesterday I was in my office when a sudden and inexplicable flurry of craziness began. First, two vice presidents went running down the hall. They were followed by our budget analyst, then another VP, then some clerical folks. I heard someone murmur that the ambulance was downstairs. But unlike most of the looky loos who started coming out of the woodwork, I didn't budge. If someone was sick or carrying a loaded gun, I didn't need to be in the line of fire.

Ten minutes later I stepped out of my office for some tea. I noticed one of our leaders carrying a container of Lysol wipes and calling out loud every vicinity that he wiped: "Door handle. Desk. Door jam."

Okay, so now I'm a bit curious. "What's up?"

"Oh my god," he whispered. "C got really sick."

"Who?"

"The new writer. C."

Poor C. She's new, she just hurled and everyone knows, even if they don't know her.

"The bathroom is closed on this floor," he added.

As I made my way back to my desk, someone felt the need to add that C also shit her pants.

Now I'm beyond grossed out. My biggest fear is being next to someone who suddenly becomes violently ill. I retreat into my office and shut the door, trying to seal out whatever germs that befell the colleague I have yet to meet.

Thirty minutes later, an email goes out to our department. As most of you know, C became ill. Please wash your hands. Flu season is here.

Was it right for them to name her in an email that went to people who maybe had no idea what happened? I wrestled with that while taking the elevator up two floors to use the bathroom at the fancy law firm (nicer soap than we have). Also, how did they know so conclusively it was the flu?

I checked my Facebook page later that afternoon and another senior level person posted that she had to dial 911 to save her colleague from swine flu, and to please get your swine flu shot. For fuck's sake, people. That vaccine isn't available to us yet.

Today, our boss boss sent out a message that said while infection control is always good practice, yesterday's incident was not related to the flu and there is no risk of contagion. She cc'd the head of human resources.

So what did we learn, kids? We learned that in serious situations, most leaders turn into complete douche bags who are consumed by the drama of the moment and provide no leadership.

We also learned that I will never set foot in that bathroom again.