Loving our local crime scene

I happened to pick up a copy of the local newspaper while waiting for Magnus during his weekly art class. I am not someone who relishes checking out the weekly crime blotter nor do I bother to open the community paper that is left each week on our driveway. But this week, with time on my hands and the smell of crazy glue in the air, I found myself sifting through the pages of the Camarillo Acorn, ultimately ending up on the crime page.

And the criminals, they did not disappoint. These menaces to society were up to no damn good. For example: on March 1, a 33-year-old man was arrested for public intoxication outside the local CVS.

Wait. It gets worse.

An underage lout was cited FOUR blocks from where we live for driving a car in a cul-de-sac without a permit.

Hang on, I need to make sure I locked the front door.

I am back. An unidentified, godless woman was arrested near the outlet mall for carrying a controlled substance on March 3.

And a homeowner was cited for violating local ordinances by throwing a loud party on March 4. I know! It wasn't even a holiday.

I am as shocked and disgusted as you, faithful readers. How could the mister move his family from Los Angeles, home of televised car chases and home invasion robberies, to a crime-laden community like this one? Partiers and unlicensed drivers lurk among us, trying to blend in, catch us with our guard down. What is next? Pulling the lids off our recycling bins? Riding motorcycles without helmets?

Shudder to think.