Damn you offspring

I thought Magnus opening the bathroom door while I was in the shower was maddening. But he managed to top it. Last night after a long day I was finally able to drift into a blissful sleep. Which turned into dreamy sleep. Which turned into a dream of me and Ryan Gosling. And then me and Ryan Gosling going at it, Boogie Nights style. I had auburn hair and was about five pounds lighter in the dream. And he was really into me (no pun intended). We made deep eye contact and said amazing things to each other. It was life-altering.

And then....

"Mommy? It's MORNING TIME!"

I opened my eyes and instead of Ryan in bed next to me there was a five-year-old with bed head and a sweaty blanket sitting there. Sheesh, first-born! Have you no clue? I rarely get good night's sleep, and good sex sleep? With Ryan effing Gosling? And you woke me up and expect me to feed you??

I am officially protesting these working conditions.