Well, well

Postpartum depression in the house, y'all!

You read me right. After a month of unrelenting anxiety, guilt, fatigue and sadness, yours truly was diagnosed with a moderate case of postpartum depression. A la Marie Osmond, Brooke Shields and Bryce Dallas Howard. See? I do have connections to the stars.

I am proud that as soon as I started feeling not quite right - as soon as I realized I couldn't draw a deep breath, as soon as I realized I couldn't shake off the lingering sadness, or stop waking up inexplicably at three am every morning - I hauled my ass into the doctor's office. He took good notes, asked a few questions, and wrote me a prescription for Zoloft.

Which I took gratefully, thinking it would restore me to my usual sardonic, bitter self.

Oh no.

Perhaps the dosage was wrong, perhaps it was my system retaliating for being fed an anti-depressant. Whatever the case, I woke up three days after starting the meds and felt as if a train ran over me. A diaper train. It hurt to stand up and plant my feet on the ground. I felt as if I had swallowed ten pills of Valium but didn't die.

So, in the quest for health and sanity, I rehauled my ass back to the doctor's. He didnt care for my side effects, did not care for them one darn bit, and wrote a new prescription for Prozac. Finally! I was part of the mythical Prozac Nation.

I have been on the drug for a week and I have to say, I feel like I am inching closer to my old self. If you have never experienced depression or postpartum anxiety, screw you. I mean, good for you. It is a terrible disorder the likes of which I have never experienced and hope to never experience again. If George Clooney came a-knocking and asked me to bear his only child, I would run screaming in the other direction, citing my love of hormonal balance and good mental health.

You probably want to know how long I will be on the drug, right? Six months. I know, I was a bit shocked. However, it takes at least a month for most anti-depressants to work, and then one has to be weaned off the medication. Kind of like heroin detox, but not as glamorous or reality TV-worthy.

So, ah, that's what's new with me. And the two beautiful babies.