Mother's Day 2013

Dear J and children,

I love each of you dearly. Every day you bring joy to my heart. So in the vein of love and happiness, this Mother's Day, keep it down. Let me be more direct. Shut the hell up. All of you. Don't ask me to find Lego pieces that are under your bed. Don't scream at me if I take away a toy because you were going to maim your little brother with it. Don't tell me we are over budget on something. I have been working my ass off for over a year with no pay. What I would do to have a budget, a small one.

Don't tell me a word and then ask me repeatedly what it means. Especially if I respond to you several times.

Don't point at me, all excited and then yell "Dada." You keep that up and I will go back to work next week.

Don't hit your brother and then try to shift the guilt by crying louder than him. I may leave the room occasionally but I have x-ray vision and I know who throws the first punch.

Don't sing songs that I can hear when I am outside, down the street.

Don't say "why" a hundred times in a row. That shit is wrong and annoying.

Don't pitch a really loud fit when I refuse to give you more banana. The banana was mine to start with. I haven't eaten breakfast in six months and I am freaking starving.

Don't turn on all the toys that make noises at once. Are you deaf? Hey! I am talking to you.

So this Mother's Day, as the lucky mom of three beautiful, healthy children, I ask that you help me maintain peace and mental health. Do mommy a favor. I don't need a card or jewelry or chocolate.

I need you to zip it.

I love you.

Mommy