Damn all the trolls

I was reminded this week about that famous saying that opinions are like a-holes, ie, everybody has one.

You were probably astonished, as I was, about the story out of New York in which a nanny slaughtered two young children in her care and then tried to kill herself. I cannot imagine a more horrific nightmare for the mother than coming home to find her son and daughter murdered by the very person entrusted to care for them. It didn't take any time at all for the trolls to start commenting online about how nobody can be trusted to watch children but their own mother. (Do they not remember Andrea Yates? Susan Smith?) There were also nasty comments about the race of the nanny, and if the parents had paid more for a white nanny, this never would have happened. The slightly tamer comments posited that a wealthy, stay-at-home mother shouldn't even need a nanny.

I must have thrown up in my mouth at least seven times before I decided to stop reading the news coverage. First, it was almost too awful to bear, and second, can't anyone stop for a minute and grieve for this poor family? The mother hired a nanny to help her manage the schedules of three children. She was returning from taking her middle child to a swim lesson when the tragedy struck. She deserves sympathy not condemnation. Who said that having kids means you give up accepting help and shoulder the burden entirely by yourself? Like this mother, I have three kids. I cherish the days that my mother is here to watch them while I take a shower, go for a walk or eat a meal sitting down. I applaud anyone who can afford the extra help. Nobody benefits from a tired, harried, overwhelmed mom.

This story, plus the ridiculous political debates about women and abortion, prove we have a long way to go when it comes to social expectations of women. Women may occupy higher positions in government and the work force but when you consider the backlash against this poor mom and the right-wing campaign to enforce an antiquated moral code, we need to burn some bras, or aprons at the very least.