our first b-day party with food allergies

Over the weekend we attended a birthday party for one of Magnus's preschool friends. (Side note: he's been in school only three and half weeks and we've fielded two b-day invitations already. Is this normal?)

As mentioned previously, Bubba is highly allergic to peanuts and has a moderate egg allergy, so I had a small pit in my (large) stomach as we arrived, knowing we would have to monitor pretty much everything he put in his mouth. Importantly (and sadly), we needed him to steer clear of the birthday cake, since we couldn't confirm that there was no cross-contamination with peanut products. See how this sucks?

Bubba handled it pretty well, I must say. When it came time to cut the cake, we pulled him aside and delicately explained that the cake would give him a stomach ache. He frowned and his mouth started to curve down. It occurred to me in that moment that I should have baked and brought him something that was safe to eat - hadn't I read that in every freaking food allergy blog, after all? For a second I thought I might tear up, as no parent wants their kid to feel left out. Thankfully one of Bubba's friends came up and they took off for the slide, so a full meltdown (him and I) was averted.

I decided, after much reflection when Bubba was diagnosed, that I would take his food allergies in stride. How he deals with it when he's older is going to hinge primarily on how J and I deal with it. Yet I can't seem to shake this lingering sadness. We are fortunate that Bubba is a healthy child; we can prevent a bad reaction from happening by being cautious and empowering him to do the same. But I wish with every cell in my body that he didn't have these allergies and could enjoy food freely, the way everyone else does.

My friend Kim gave me some much needed perspective today. Her six year old son wears glasses, the only kid in his class to do so. "Everyone is different," she explained to him after he complained that no one else had eye problems. "Some kids are thin. Some have freckles. Some have red hair. You have glasses. Not everyone is the same. That's what makes everyone special."

She's right, of course. Hopefully I can take her cue and encourage Bubba when he feels alienated. You are meant to stand out, I will tell him.

And goddamnit, why am I craving toffee-covered peanuts right now??