enough with the peanut gallery

Is there a sign on my head that says: "Comments About My Twins Welcome?" I didn't think so.

Since I officially pooched last week and can no longer hide my rapidly expanding midsection, I've been hit with all manner of comments from family, friends and strangers alike. Some of them very nice and positive. Like, "I always wanted to be a twin." "How fun it will be to shop." Or, "You should probably grow your hair out."

But some of the feedback has not been as nice. Like the guy I work with who recoiled in horror and said, "Twins?? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy! And you have another kid already?" Or the woman at the pharmacy who said, "My sister had twins. At least she is young and can keep up with them."

People probably have preconceived notions about twins and they are just projecting. This is what I tell myself.

Today I was relieved to actually talk to a woman who has 18 month old twin boys. We were having a phone conversation but by the end, I was ready to jump through the phone line and French kiss her. She listened to my questions about co-sleeping, nursing pillows and spit up. She assured me that I would eventually leave the house and be able to bathe. No judgement, no pitying tone of voice. Where'd she been all my first trimester?

This afternoon I will attend a large department meeting and am bracing for the comments when I stand in the dessert line. (Because I will, probably several times.) I'm working on some retorts:

- Fuck off.
- I'm hormonal. Fuck off.
- I'm hormonal. (Dabs at imaginary tears). Can't you just fuck off?

You like?