i need a chill pill

I'm happy to say that Magnus, J and I are doing well now. This was not the case a month ago, when Magnus had to go to the hospital, I was stricken by the stomach flu and J passed out at an event in New York and had to be taken by ambulance to the ER.

Did I mention these unfortunate incidents took place within days of each other? Yep. We live on the edge, us three.

The upside is that nobody is permanently damaged. J basically had the same GI issue that I did, jumped on a plane and got dehydrated, which caused him to faint. Fixable. I was back on my feet within 24 hours after my bug hit. And Magnus was hospitalized for the same issue (respiratory synnctial virus, or RSV) last year. We knew he needed breathing treatments and some steroids. After a day in the hospital, he was just fine. And he's been fine since.

So why do I feel consumed - nay, nearly paralyzed - with worry?

It's not a pleasant sensation. I'll be doing something mundane, like washing the dishes, and Magnus will let out a small cough. My heart catches and sinks. Do I grab the inhaler? His respiratory issues often come on suddenly, without warning. Do I get ahead of the situation and give him drugs that he might not need? Make him lie down? Is he doomed to a life of wheezing, since his pediatrician can't tell yet if he actually has asthma?

Over the weekend J said he was tired. I felt the same anxiety start to creep up. Maybe the ER docs missed something when they examined him and he has a congenital heart issue. He assured me he was fine but I still found the need to lay my head on his chest and listen for an irregular heart beat. (I did this twice).

I feel you shaking your head at my insanity. I am shaking my noggin too. Who IS this crazy person? When did she lose total grip on reality? I've always considered my parents to be a bit irrational and neurotic. And there's the apple, there's the tree, it hasn't fallen far at all, folks. I'm every bit as wacky as they are.

I am hopeful, however, that this is a temporary situation, brought on by my sudden surge in hormones. That I will return to a more tranquil life, beset by love and serenity, with an occasional appearance by Bambi. It's not possible for someone to remain in a suspended state of paranoia, is it?

Or am I the special, chosen one???