the weekly near-death experience

Every Tuesday at 2 p.m. I face my own mortality.

I sit across from my boss and for 30 minutes, methodically read off every line of my status report. I actually send him the report in advance of our meeting but he never reads it until I enter his office. He keeps his eyes focused on my Excel spreadsheet and makes little notes in the margins. He rarely looks up and if he does, he usually interrupts me to ask about something we already covered in box #3.

I mentioned to him last month that the structure of these meetings was killing me. I loathe meetings anyway but to sit for 30 minutes, or sometimes an hour, and read off a project list (which includes a field marked "Completed") is like having the life force sucked out of you. He got nervous and said he understood, but he really, REALLY needs my updates.

I offered to send him my status report a day in advance so he could have time to digest it before we meet and then we could talk about projects (or even brainstorm ideas) instead of me reading out loud. He doesn't have much time to do this, he said.

So here I am, prepping my Excel document for another weekly session of Spoken Word Updates. At 2 p.m., I will enter his office, close the door and wait for the life to drain out of me. It's like facing the wrath of the zombies, only this zombie is corporate and wears a suit.

The horror, the horror.

loving life in the kitchen

For the first time in many weeks, I spent most of the weekend cooking. I was a bit tired from work and the Magnus Schedule (that would be our son getting up at 5:45 a.m. for the second week in a row) but somehow I was able to get a second wind and whip up a plethora of good eats. We had steak with heirloom tomatoes, capers, fennel and parsley on Saturday and a wonderful chowder with bacon and cod on Sunday. I always struggle with lunch, as I'd rather save my energies for cooking dinner, but I was able to devise a pita humus sandwich with fresh herbs in 15 minutes. Screw your 30-minutes, Rachel Ray.

While prepping Saturday's meal I was reminded of my fifth grade class, when the teacher asked each of us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I had the hardest time answering the question. What do I want to do for the rest of my life? Basically, read, write, travel and see good movies. I had no real sense of what my career was supposed to be. For me, the important thing was making enough money to pay for the things I loved to do.

As I was pulverizing my garlic cloves, I realized that while I've suffered through an identity crisis with my career for 15 years, it actually has enabled exactly the lifestyle I want. I read, I write, we travel and take in movies. And I cook.

You've gotta love those moments of clarity.

sometimes i wish

You could hit people at work. Not hard enough to cause permanent damage but hard enough that you get their attention. Maybe that way, I wouldn't have to explain something three times.

u just have to laugh

J and I had a date Saturday night at The Tasting Kitchen, a fantastic new restaurant in Venice. Beautiful decor and wickedly great food, especially the pork rillettes. Unlike the last dining experience, you actually felt full.

While we were waiting for the bill to arrive, a couple was seated next to us. The chap was clearly trying to impress his date. He signaled the waiter to come over and asked that he remove the white wine glasses, since they would be drinking red wine.

When the waiter brought over the bottle, he asked the waiter at what temperature the wine was chilled. Sheesh. Then he leaned forward and told the girl that he normally orders $100 bottles of wine, so she shouldn't feel uncomfortable that this bottle of red was in the$150 range.

I really wonder if she went to bed with him later.

2night

Will be great. Hitchcock's "Vertigo" is here, courtesy of Netflix, and there is an unopened bottle of Malbec in the kitchen. J also baked some wicked oatmeal cookies last night. Paradise!

Thanks for the brilliance

This morning, I was perusing the financial section of the ABC News web site when this headline caught my eye:

"How to Maximize Your Tax Deductions."

Of course I had to read the article, as J and I owed Uncle Sam in 09 and are hoping for a small windfall for this year.

The sage advice?

1. Check your math
2. Get your paperwork in order
3. Avoid mistakes
4. Itemize your deductions
5. Report all your income

I want to know, who is the moron editor that allowed this story to be posted? You think this list is actually helpful? Avoid mistakes, are you freaking kidding me? Where's my list of new deductions, or tips on how to write stuff off?

With advice like this, I may as well file the damn thing myself.

Listen jerkie:

You. You on the cell phone. You on the cell phone two stalls away from me. What the hell is so important that you have to make a call in the john? From what I can tell, all you are saying is "Yes. Yeah. Uh huh." Does the person on the other end know you're in the loo or are you trying to be cool and pretend its the subway? Just for that, I am going to flush TWICE. Let that spoil your nice clean reception.

'tis true

I've never liked any songs by Billy Joel.